How to care for yourself when you are a carer

Looking After Yourself While You Look After Someone Else

If you’re caring for someone, chances are “self-care” feels like a phrase that belongs to other people’s lives. You’re too busy managing medication, appointments, and everyone else’s needs to think about a bubble bath. So let’s skip the bubble bath advice — here’s what actually helps.

Start smaller than you think

Self-care doesn’t need a spare afternoon. It can be five minutes with a cup of tea that’s still hot when you drink it, or stepping outside to feel the air on your face before the day takes over. The goal isn’t a grand gesture — it’s a small, repeatable habit that reminds your body it’s allowed to rest, even briefly.

Notice your own warning signs

Carers are often brilliant at spotting when the person they support is struggling, and hopeless at spotting it in themselves. Keep an eye on your own patterns — snapping more easily, sleeping badly, losing interest in things you usually enjoy. These aren’t failures. They’re signals worth listening to.

Let go of “I should be able to cope

This is one of the most common things I hear from carers, and it’s one of the most damaging. Caring is genuinely hard, whatever your relationship to the person you’re supporting. Struggling with it isn’t a sign you’re doing it wrong.

Ask for practical help, not just emotional support

It’s easier for people to offer sympathy than to offer an actual hour of respite. If someone says “let me know if you need anything,” take them up on it with something specific: “Could you sit with Mum on Thursday so I can get to an appointment?” Specific asks get answered more often than vague ones.

Find out what you’re entitled to

Many carers don’t realise there’s support available — Carer’s Assessments through your local council, Carer’s Allowance, respite funding, or local carer support groups. It’s worth checking what exists in your area, even if you don’t think you’ll need it yet. Organisations like Carers UK and your local Carers Centre are a good starting point.

Keep one thing that’s just yours

Even amid everything else, try to protect one thing that belongs only to you — a friendship, a hobby, a walk you take alone. It doesn’t need to be big. It just needs to still be there when things get hard.

*If you’re a carer and you’re finding things difficult, you don’t have to manage that alone. I offer carer-focused sessions both in person in Accrington and online — get in touch if you’d like to talk it through.